...

Personal.



In less than 24 hours I was able to realize things that I was too blind to see throughout our 5-year on-off relationship. I have always thought that the reason why we always, somehow, end back together is because we were meant for each other. But well, you did screw me over but I still somehow managed to accept you back through all that. You cheated on me, lied so many times but somehow I managed to look past all that and I took you back with open arms. You didn't even have to work for it. I thought that was the true meaning of love. When you decide to look past the faults and focus on what makes you happy. And it was you. It has always been you who has made me happy.

I forgot that relationships were supposed to be mutual. I gave everything I could but you never gave anything in return. But still, I could look past all that if it meant being with you a little longer. I have lost myself in the 5 years we've been "together" and that is something I don't think I can ever forgive you for. When you took my heart, you took everything with you as well (including common sense, I suppose).

I want to be happy. I realized that's the only thing I want to be. And if I was to be sad, I wanted to be sad on my own terms. I didn't want feeling so vulnerable, so emotionally defenseless because that's what I felt when I was with you. You were my happiness but you were also the cause of my sadness and in the 5 years, you have caused more heartache than smiles and that's not how relationships should work.

I love you so much that I feel so impaired right now. Our relationship is like a ghost limb which continues to ache even if it's no longer there. It pains me to know that I'm going to lose you but here's one of the time's that I have to put my own interests first. I want to be happy and if I had to cut you lose just to achieve that, I would. It's not what I want to do but I have to.

I wish you the best but I wish more for myself. I think I deserve that. I wish to meet someone who could give me the love that you have forsaken me. I wish to meet someone who loves me. I'm worth someone who gives a shit.

You will always be my first love.